Juggling work, motherhood and life. How to excel, avoid feeling overwhelmed and happy in the workplace and at home.
It can sometimes feel before you’ve started work (the thing that you get paid to do) that you’ve already been chief negotiator, locator of lost objects, house manager, and gourmet chef.
Juggling motherhood and life can feel challenging at times. In a world where women still don’t have equality, many question whether they can have it all; a fulfilling career and the mum they want to be. The answer is yes, and here are some suggestions on how to achieve that.
Get organised
Preparation is vital, whether it’s paying for school trips, sorting out family meals, or getting the laundry done. Whoever cooks meals at home, try to make extra and freeze these to have quick and nutritious food. Whatever needs to be sorted with school, whether meals paid for, booking forms completed, ask for all of these at the beginning of the school year, and diarise them to be completed. Children can often do more than what we think, even little ones. This could be putting coloured clothes into the laundry or matching socks (helpful and educational at the same time!).
Take time for yourself
Your mind might tell you it’s indulgent to have time for yourself, but it’s essential. There’s a danger when becoming mothers that our identity get wrapped in this and our work, with little time to think about how to re-engage with activities that made us feel happy, or try new ones. This might be meeting with friends, going for a walk, having a cup of coffee (not reheated ten times) or pursuing sport. It’s not so much about the duration of time you spend on these but more about the quality of this time. When you have multiple demands and are pulled in many directions, having regular ten minutes on your own might be your goal. Modelling to your children you have needs and meeting them is teaching them a valuable lesson.
Take the Pressure
For most mums, juggling motherhood and careers can come with a large service of guilt: that you’re not being the best mum or the best worker. We need to talk more about being the ‘good enough’ parent and learning to take the pressure off mothering, rather than living up to unrealistic ideals. When your mind tells you ’that you’re a rubbish parent’ for whatever reason, it’s learning to respond to this with self-compassion, by reminding yourself, ‘I’m trying my best.’ Putting boundaries in place and learning to say ‘no’ can help in not overstretching yourself too.
Garner Support
As much as you might want, you can’t do it all on your own. Having support systems in place can be a game-changer in helping to minimise feeling overwhelmed. For example, if possible, try and divide household chores and children-related activities with your partner. Get involved with other local mums, where you can share how the juggle might feel at times, but also, they can be a great practical support to draw on when needed. If family live locally, and there’s the option they take on some of the childcare, this can benefit all your family. Use this time not just to work but have some downtime for you also.
Flexible Working
Since the pandemic, many organisations have been more open to flexible working. There are lots of benefits and disadvantages to this approach for working mums. It might mean they’re house and family managers during the daytime and then work in the evenings. Therefore, the pressure increases rather than subsides. If flexible working is possible, try and ensure that your time is not consumed by work and family life. Having a lack of work-life balance often results in us feeling dissatisfied and unhappy. However, think about what work-life balance would mean to you and your family. It’s an ever moving feat that we need to pay attention to and regularly address.
As women, we shouldn’t have to choose between motherhood and our career. Instead, there are many things that we can implement, practically and emotionally, to excel in both of these areas. It is essential to ensure that we don’t lose ourselves to either and that our happiness prevails.
Dr Jan Smith is a chartered psychologist with over 15 years of experience at the forefront of mental health. Dr Jan Smith specialises in work place mental health. Keep up to date with her on instagram @drjansmithinsta
